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꒰ ˶• ༝ - ˶꒱

:gift: happy birthday to me!! :tada:

hellohello! its my birthday today woahhh

im going to exeter for the day so this is pre-written

so i can post it and focus on my day out.

now, last birthday i had here was probably the best of my entire life just purely because of how much joy everyone here gave me. im sure this birthday will be great but it will never amount up to my 18th birthday so before i start thank you to those who made my last day special. this year, im turning 19! crazy ik, closer to the big 20 and woah i should get out of here :sob: ive been here too long

i probably will go eventually, amino is dying out

and i have better things to focus on lately!

᧔ ˖ ࣪ :birthday: ࣪ ⤹ about the art ୭˚. ᵎᵎ

the art itself was made because why not and i also needed more art of my new sona! i tried making it a little related to UT, you can see a plush thing of asriel cus he’s my fav. anyways i don’t actually have much to say though i would like to give messages to those who’ve made it here with me for another year or at the very least sticking with me for this long.

⋆୨୧˚૮ ＾ﻌ＾ა˚୨୧⋆

and i don’t want to seem too much of a copycat in comparison to chen but i feel i need to do this just because of how frequently my name has changed.

( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)  who am i? ─ ...

soo hey! i’m mae (that is my real name. fun fact, it’s my middle name and everyone irl knows me as mae rather than my first name) and you may know me as a variety of other names which include robin, loki, zero, plum, bats amongst many, many more. however, you may have also known me in the very beginning!! when i first became assistant up until i was promoted to curator, many knew me as donnie.

i have been here a very long time and during this time i have been an assistant twice under various people including toast and ciel, as well as i was a curator and a previous leader of blazeteam. but i’ll have more about my time in all of those teams further down in the post.

i will probably end up going through a trillion

names so feel free to call me whatever u

me by or just mae. i wouldn’t like to

be called donnie anymore!

if you would like to get to know me a bit better you can always comment or pm me directly! but also in my bio i have links to my strawpage and carrd which has plenty about me.

amongst my years here, i’ve honestly gotten so many memories alongside my 18th birthday, like a very large majority during my time here has treated me extremely well and as a result led me to where i am. if nobody ever was nice to me or if nobody spoke to me when i first became assistant, i would have stepped down way before anything ever happened because i was depressed, extremely lonely, feeling isolated at that time and feeling like i was incapable of anything. so thank you for those that improved everything for me at the very beginning!

but i do want to clear something up..

why did i leave?

to put it vaguely, i was thinking about it for a while but finalised it when some family issues came up and my mental health was fr really shit.

i know i should have gone on hiatus but i didn’t really think abt that when i was feeling the way i was

yes, it was impulsive even if i thought about it prior because it ended up happening due to my own emotions being way too extreme for me to handle. yes, there we also other reasons to me leaving like the mod team and the assistant team as well as other things. anymore questions i’m happy to clarify and answer!

why did i leave the second time?

(more directed to the mod team)

it was not because my friend left, everything in my message was talking about prior situations leading up to everything with ray & ciel. (meaning, what i mentioned were things you have done during my ENTIRE time of being on the team. not what was happening in that moment) i used it as an excuse to leave because i didn’t want to be surrounded by people i didn’t like and people that didn’t like me but in no way was i crashing out. i was holding you able even though i’m aware now that i may have not worded it how i should have.

why did i come back?

after my rein as a curator, i came back as an assistant and this unfortunately wasn’t just bc of boredom. annoyingly enough i care alot about this amino and have a unhealthy mindset of “i can fix everything if they let me” so i repeatedly come back as well as just to socialise

i have been busy so my mind hasn’t been overly focused on here (thank god) but i also think its because the current leaders (pam & arrow) are actually doing really well and im updated on the happenings of things i would be anxious about. i truly do appreciate what they are doing now for this amino and how they are still trying in general.

what do i do now?

i actually just wanted an excuse to talk about this LMAO but today i do work experience at a boarding place for dogs so a place where we look after dogs while their owners are gone! i get lots of cute pics u can check out on my instagram! also sometimes on my wall!

i did used to do work experience at an RSPCA rehoming centre but i left last week unfortunately! i did take lots of photos there too. i already miss it tbh!

in the future, i plan to go to a college away from home which will likely be the only thing to affect how often i am here as i would have to live there. its so cool it has my fav animal (raccoons), lemurs, marmosets, rats, hedgehogs and muchmuch more! i would love to go into zookeeping or zoology so its basically my dream college. i would also be away from my family which i honestly desperately need and it would encourage me to live independently and i’ll be able to use my voice on call a bit more because i won’t have people around me to judge me 🙂‍ :arrow_up_down: 🙂‍ :arrow_up_down:

alsooo, if you would like to me going to

said college i am doing commissions on etsy!

you can find a direct link to my etsy on tiktok or instagram!

zzzombat (tiktok)

zerobatshere (insragram)

i met the coolest friends …

rainbowtoast

i don’t even think your on here anymore but i think

you were the manager of all the stuff that made my

18th birthday so amazing and im forever guilty for

not giving u something even more amazing in

return. the first person on here i ever really wanted

to be friends with ONSIGHT, the mod that took me

as an assistant and started it all. its crazy how we

are extremely close friends, u make me a better

person literally. thank you

im sorry we never have enough time for each other

or that sometimes my moods are constantly

changing. i hope one day, we can have what you’ve

dreamed of having which is everyone getting along.

ciel

my dear dear un-ethical best friend (/j) and my favourite

assistant i had when i was a mod. its so silly how our

friendship came to be and ur my favourite person to

goof around with and be myself. one thing i can

say confidently is since day 1 i believed in you and

im glad you did at some stage make it to curator. as

silly as it sounds i was constantly proud of you.

i love goofing around with you in particular and

i always think of you first when i want to play IDV

with someone. i love having our own inside jokes,

i love how our friendship persists no matter what

no arguments can stop our friendship, i love

how we are so in sync sometimes. its honestly so

funny and dare i say we were mean’t to meet

each other. you’re like my other half in a platonic way!!

thank you for becoming my assistant because we

never have gotten further in our friendship if it

wasn’t for that. i’d stick with you through the thick

and thin, no matter how many frustrations are sent

our way. <3

amelia

oh amelia my beloved /j ur honestly amazing, i cant

believe i didnt pay attention to ur existence sooner

(i did not mean for that to sound insulting, i used to

hardly pay attention to new assistants). u are

everyone’s new favourite and you deserve it, i truly

hope one day you get in a position you deserve. we

should totally play idv together one day (again)!! ur

such a pro, it honestly makes me feel bad for being

like a worker bee LMFAO i swear im just a bit rusty

RGAHH UR SO COOL!!!!!!!!

ruby

its super weird to think just how much we dealt with together and sure u may not see it that way but i stand by it. i liked how you considered my opinions and u continue to listen to me no matter how rude i may sound but i appreciate your patience and understanding during my yapping both negative and positive. hearing your opinions was just as important to me, i wish i could trust you more but i think its safe to say im glad i met you too

honourable mentions:

acey

and of course many more!

not all honourable mentions are friends, but were

apart of my journey here!

my experience on the mod team …

i had a hard time in my first days of being a mod, i was absolutely terrified of making mistakes and worked myself up over just going into vcs.

of course, i overcame that with time but my main point is since day one it gave me anxiety and plenty of stress and with cognitive impairment doing basic things was such a hassle for others.

however, i LOVED having a team and working with my own assistants. teaching others how to do things and being someone they could rely on & trust to put them in the right direction really was something i enjoyed. maybe eventually the team i was put in charge of frustrated me beyond belief but i ALWAYS loved my assistants. they were like my kids, i wanted to help them and i was so so proud sometimes :sob: its so dumb but im so fr

special mention of said assistants:

nina , risky

and a few more i sadly can’t find anymore

but overall, unfortunately i still hated my experience on the team. it ruined my mental health not just because other people on the team with me but because i knew a huge chunk of the people being nice to me were just being fake to suck up to me and it always worked. i wouldn’t let them get away with anything but i ended up getting hurt when they turned around and threw a fit over a hide but maybe thats just because i was a very lonely person irl and online and generally i just didn’t like how hard i had to work to make people view me in a positive light. i changed myself to avoid arguments or people having drama with me although it never seem to work for some reason. idek if anyone even acknowledged the efforts i made for them to actually like me.

as of today, im still learning to give others a chance and to be a bit more hush hush about my perspective on situations OR bringing it up in a respectful way and directly. i am yet again changing myself for others and hoping it will work. at the very least im glad i’ve chilled a bit because i can finally give people the chance i never gave them.

⋆.˚ ★— conclusion    ๋࣭ ⭑

and closinggg! this is designed as a leaving post because again inspiration but also because unfortunately for me the day won’t arrive until im too busy for this place which will be someday due to the jobs im trying to get in the future and the fact i’ll probably try get into a university. but also, while this birthday won’t be as great as the last, i wanted to make it special somehow even if it’s not just for me.

btw i beg for u to ignore me using the wrong your or bad grammar this was re-written like 5 times on different days within the same month WAYYYY before my bday & ive just been so exhausted that ive gotten lazy with writing obvs not enough to prevent me yapping when i want to. i’ll try make up a summary in the comments

also dw guys my next bday post won’t be as wordy

or dramatic well if amino is even still around next

year