i'm tired but still love lee minho

⠀⠀⠀⠀-, september 7, 2019

for some reason every time the night falls and the moon rises, instead of turning into my werewolf form, i get hella soft for minho and just wanna talk about him and how much i love him. it's even worse when it's late and i get home just a lil bit drunk and i can barely english, but i get super mad over my love for him. thankfully i was smart enough to never post those...

but anyway,,, i talked about minho through a bunch of blogs already so it's kinda like,, what's there left to say?? i always feel like just making whole paragraphs saying i love minho i love minho i love minho i love minho i love minho i love minho i love minho i love min-

but what really makes me want to write whole paragraphs of that one line and scream at the top of my lungs that i love this one freaking loser??

i wasn't so sure about it at first either. i don't know if i quite figured it out even now. at first he was a bias wrecker who climbed his way up to a bias spot. but then he was just another bias in just another group. another idol i really liked. but that affection and warm feeling i got each time i saw him kind of started to grow. like a little flame that was burning stronger each time you'd throw some minho moments and pictures into it. for a long time i was super hesitant to ult him. it's a title i really think about a lot cause i don't like changing it and want to be completely sure. i still wasn't 100% sure about him back then. i knew he meant a lot to me at that moment, but i still thought there's a good chance i'll get over the honeymoon phase where everything's fresh and like a little wonderland. i though the fire would start dying down, but i was like fuck it,, we'll see what happens.

it's been ten months since i ulted him and i still feel just as happy each time i see him. i still get excited no matter what he does. still feel like a small child getting free candy when i come across any kind of minho content.

if you ask me, i'd obviously say minho has it all. his dancing is amazing and i could watch him dance for hours without food or sleep. just me, my laptop and his fancams. his voice can be so smooth and sweet yet also so rough and deep. especially when he raps. i don't know what he likes more, singing or rapping-- i feel like it might be singing, but me being a hoe for rappers that i am will always slightly prefer his rapping. he just radiates a very cool and tough aura when he raps. i feel like it suits him idk. he's also cute, but also hot. he radiates confidence on stage. and he's just got everything an idol needs.

B U T,, there's a lot of idols who offer me amazing skills yet there's only one minho. just one idiot who absolutely snatched my heart. i love everything about him that makes him an idol, but it's not lee know who won me over, it's the person behind him, mister lee minho.

there are some idols to who i'll relate to. who will remind me of something familiar. remind me of my friends. but no one did that as heavily as minho. yes, i say this each damn time, but it's one of the most important things about why exactly i came to care about him as much as i do. i can just see so much of my friends in him, but i can especially see myself. we're both sarcastic, but also kinda shy. we both get loud in an environment we're comfortable with, but shut down a bit when it's anything new. both can be annoying as hell. both love chocolate ice cream. blink weirdly. love cats. have similar or sometimes even identical earrings lol. he went to a technical school, i go to a technical uni. minho really is my spirit animal. and i don't know, but i guess we just naturally get pulled towards people we might not know, but who give off the energy of something familiar and actually do remind us of someone we know.

that was what kind of started the whole flood of emotions i had towards him and from there it just got even more of a nature disaster (okay but what the actual hell are my metaphors at this point??). slowly and without even realizing it, i got so damn attached to this dude. so much of my happiness was created thanks to him. he chose the perfect time to yeet himself into my heart cause it was a period of time i kinda felt like shit. and him just being himself and literally just smiling really helped back then. til this day he effortlessly helps me when i'm in a bad mood. he became someone so important to me?? like i don't think i ever cared this much about a celebrity before. i had so many phases, so many artists i adored and obsessed over, but never did i feel this huge lump of pure joy somewhere in my heart just putting pressure each time my eyes see this specific person and my brain just going berseck like 'holy shIT, we absolutely adore this individual'. putting it like that, it doesn't sound healthy??? but you get what i mean-- i hope

i just love him. that's it. that's all i know for sure.

i love the way he smiles. even the way how his smile forms. i love his laughter. one of the most precious laughs ever, wow it cleanses my soul each time.

i just love him the way he is. he's so weird?? but in the best way possible. like he'll always post pics with the weirdest filters, but that's just how he is and it's so cute and endearing and i'd take those any day over some cute selfies. he says stuff that might not make sense. he does stuff that will seem confusing even to his . but he doesn't care. he's so unapologetically himself - smelling cats' feet and using febreze instead of cologne and i can't even start to explain how much his whole personality is pure gold to me. both his good and bad sides. both him being super sweet and caring towards others. giving the fans so much love and attention. taking care of the younger ,, at least when he's not annoying the living hell out of them. but also being all cute and cuddly with them. and then giving the majority of his love and affection to his cats. as one obviously does.

but then we also get him being this diva. having pink sheets, getting pissy when someone doesn't care enough about his cats, being savage and petty and just a lot to handle.

i don't think i'll ever be able to quite explain why exactly i feel the way i feel about minho. or even what that feeling even is. but that's fine.

minho is someone in my life that i never met, but he still left so much impact. when it comes to how i feel - switching my feelings from negative to positive as if he was some kind of magician. when it comes to how i even am today. he taught me some things, made me more determined over some of the decisions i made, in a way boosted my confidence and i am so absolutely thankful to him. for being a sunshine that makes my days brighter. being this positive constant that will not fail even once to put just a bit of color in the grayest day possible.

sometimes i how close i got to almost seeing him live in a concert. and i still kind of get sad that i missed that opportunity. i just kinda would like to see him live. see that yes he indeed is real. he is standing there, in front of me. he isn't just a video on my phone anymore.

it would be cool to be able to see him up close one day and just kind of tell him personally that i'm really thankful. but one can dream.

all in all,, this somehow ended up becoming a somewhat personal mess, but who cares. it felt good talking about him a bit. just you know,, saying this idiot means a lot.

i hope he never changes. in a way that i hope he always stays this weird sweet nerd that's just going on with life being himself. while still growing as a person, as an artist. opening up and becoming more confident.

i hope he always stays healthy. stays happy. and stays the cutest nerd ever. . . ♡

⠀

⠀

⠀

⠀

⠀

⠀

picture credits to all the original owners